a thread cut with a carving knife, that is what they call our lives;

I'm listening to "The Scientist" by Coldplay. For some reason I think it's one of the most candid, apologetic loves songs in existance. It humbles me, and makes me want to beg forgiveness for the psychotic, accusatory way I get sometimes. I want to fall on my knees, and say "I KNOW I'm crazy, and you're so good for putting up with all of it". Sometimes I do say that, and then he gives me a look like I've just apologized for having brown hair. He doesn't seem to notice that I'm nuts.

I am in a furry of chaos this morning, putting the finalizations on tonight's New Year's surprise. I couldn't sleep last night because the anticipation has not only made me a nervous wreck, but in the same breath I am very excited to see how the boy will react to all of this.

You would just LOVE to know what I've planned, wouldn't you? Well, tough shit, kids. You have to wait till it's all said and done.